


this body holding me

by threerings



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Fluff and Smut, Kissing, M/M, Outdoor Sex, Post-resurrection Ritual, Sappy Feelings and Smut, Set at a somewhat vague future point, Sex as Coping Mechanism, Temporary Character Death, please forgive my terrible German
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-06-22 16:43:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15586233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/threerings/pseuds/threerings
Summary: In the immediate aftermath of being brought back to life by a resurrection ritual, Mollymauk doesn't feel quite right.  Caleb notices, and together they find a solution.  Luckily for us, sex cures many ills.





	this body holding me

**Author's Note:**

> Still processing the trauma...

Caleb sat in the near darkness watching over the sleeping body of Mollymauk. The others had gone to sleep, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to rest until Molly woke. He still feared something had gone wrong during the resurrection. He’d been dead a long time. And with his previous experience of amnesia, who knew what state he’d be in when he finally came to consciousness.

So the others left him to sit and watch. Long hours passed, during which his mind idly recited various books of magic he’d read in the past, the incantations and sigils passing behind his eyes as he stared at Molly’s form. 

He had no idea how long it had been, only that no one had returned to disturb him, when Molly suddenly gave a great intake of breath and his eyes sprang open. His eyes were wide and panicked, his breathing fast, and he sat up sharply, clawing at the blanket laid over him. 

Caleb threw himself out of his chair, towards the bed, ending up on his knees at the bedside, reaching both hands for Molly, making soothing sounds in a mixture of languages. To his great relief, Molly’s eyes focused on his face quickly, and he ceased struggling. Caleb was able to get a grip on Molly’s shoulder and left wrist. “Mollymauk. Mollymauk. You’re safe. It’s alright. Everything is fine,” he managed, in as calm a voice as he could muster. 

Molly took several short gasping breaths, eyes never wavering from his, and then licked his lips. “Caleb?” he asked, raspy and quiet. 

Caleb sagged with relief, his grip faltering, head falling towards Molly. He hadn’t realized how little he’d expected Molly to remember until that moment. “ _Gottes sei Dank..._ ” he murmured, then tried to suppress the sob that rose from his chest. He failed and it came out as a choking sound. His eyes watered with tears and he hid his head against Mollymauk’s chest. 

“Caleb,” said the tiefling again, and then a hand was stroking his hair. “Caleb,” he repeated, questioning, wondering. 

Caleb shook his head, unable to respond. He felt like all the fear, all the grief he hadn’t allowed himself to express until now was pouring from him like stinking fluid from a festering wound. The tears began to fall in earnest as he shook and held onto Molly for dear life. A sudden terror clenched his heart and he looked up into Molly’s face through the tears. “It’s you, isn’t it?” He needed to hear more, to know he really was intact.

“I...well, I certainly think so,” said Molly, a hint of a smile curving one side of his lips. “Caleb, are you okay? What’s happened?” Caleb shook his head and swiped angrily at his tears with one hand. 

“Nothing. Nothing. I mean, a lot. A lot has happened. You’ve been gone a while...” He didn’t know how to explain, where to even start. “Do you remember? Everything?”

He saw the way the other’s eyes widened at that question before his gaze turned inward. “I think...we were fighting those people, the slavers who took...Jester, Fjord, and _Yasha!_ Where are they? Are they alright? Did we save them?” 

Caleb nodded hurriedly, swallowing against his inconvenient emotional outburst. “They are safe now. We...we got them out eventually. Not that fight, though. That...was bad...obviously.” 

Molly took a deep breath, calming. “How do you feel?” asked Caleb. 

“Uh...weak, I guess? Alright, though.” 

“ _Gut._ ” Caleb let his eyes fall to his hands, resting on the bed next to Molly’s body now that he was no long gripping at the tiefling. “I’m sorry for my...” He waved his hands vaguely to denote his behavior. “I...I was afraid you might not...come back.” He risked a look at Molly, saw some distress on his face. “Or it might not be you...” Molly frowned but nodded. 

“I’m pretty sure it’s me,” he said, the slightest waver in his voice. Caleb found his eyes held by Molly’s red gaze, felt himself trembling as the moment stretched between them. Molly’s lips were parted, his breathing coming quickly between them. Caleb felt his own breathing quicken, his heart pound fast along his veins. 

“Caleb?” said Molly very softly, between breaths. “Can I...” he visibly hesitated, biting his bottom lip for just a moment. “Can I kiss you?” he asked finally, voice rising on the words, half-apologetic.

Caleb’s heart pounded more loudly, seeming to fill his hearing as Mollymauk’s eyes filled his vision. He licked his lips, gone suddenly dry, and then leaned very slightly forward, towards Molly. They met in between, lips brushing together lightly, neither pressing forward or taking the lead. It couldn’t have lasted long at all, but the seconds their lips touched felt _heavy_ : slow and important. Caleb darted back a little, fear flaring in his stomach. Uncertainty. He didn’t look at Mollymauk as he sat back, not wanting to know what the tieflings’s face would show. 

“Um, is there...water or something?” asked Molly and Caleb started. 

“Oh, oh, _scheisse,_ of course,” he muttered as he moved to pour from the pitcher on the table. Molly drank thirstily and then asked for more as Caleb stood awkwardly. He didn’t know what to do about what had just passed between them, or what it meant. 

“I...I should get the others. They will want to see you. If that’s okay?” 

Molly smiled. “Sure. Yeah. I want to see Yasha,” he added and Caleb nodded. He ducked from the room and the next few hours were a whirl of loud exclamations, laughter, confused story-telling, and in the center of it all, Molly, smiling. 

Caleb couldn’t seem to stop looking at him, to stop watching him. He felt those red eyes move over to him every so often and they would share a connection for an instant. It felt like an invisible spark shooting between them every time their eyes crossed. A spark that sent warmth down to his core. 

But he stayed in the back of the group, observing, watching, feeling at a loss as to what in the world to do next.

~~~~~

Mollymauk was weak for several days as the group traveled at a slow pace to their next destination. He smiled and joked around the campfire at night with the others before retiring early to his tent to rest. But Caleb thought there was something off, something hiding behind his eyes.

He hadn’t been alone with Molly since right after he had awoken. Not that he’d exactly tried to seek out a private talk. When he did catch his eyes, though, the connection never lasted long, with Molly being the one to look away first. Caleb was worried about him. 

So on the third night, when he was on watch with Nott and Molly stepped out of his tent fully dressed, wearing his swords, Caleb was suspicious. 

“Going for a walk,” whispered Molly in their direction. Caleb and Nott exchanged a look. 

“You can’t go alone!” hissed Nott. “That’s how the other three were taken!” 

Molly scowled. “Look, I’m not going far, but I need to, okay?” 

“I’ll go with you,” said Caleb. Both Molly and Nott looked at him with different varieties of annoyance. “Is that alright with you?” he asked Mollymauk, pointed ignoring his goblin friend. 

“There were _three_ of them and they _still_ got taken!” complained Nott. 

“Yes,” agreed Caleb placidly. “But none of them were powerful wizards, were they?” Nott opened her mouth to argue, but apparently realized he’d used her own constant praise of him against her. “We’ll be fine,” he insisted. “Alright?” he looked back at Molly who threw up his hands in surrender and inclined his head for Caleb to join him. 

Caleb followed the tall form of the tiefling away from the light of the fire. Neither of them spoke, and the pace Molly set was quick. He climbed up a nearby rise, dodging occasionally around a thicket or under low branches, but always uphill. Caleb became out of breath before long, which made him even less likely to start any conversation. 

Finally, they reached the apparent high point of the slope, and Molly headed for an open area where the moonlight was more visible between the trees. He looked around then pirouetted around to look at Caleb. “I’m going to pray,” he said, a touch defensively. “Will you wait?”

Caleb widened his eyes and nodded. He looked around and then settled down on the bare ground at the base of a tree. Molly took a deep breath before turning back around and kneeling in the brightest patch of moonlight. Caleb let his mind wander as he watched Molly’s still form. 

Actually, he wasn’t so still anymore. He couldn’t be sure at this distance, but he thought it looked like Mollymauk was shaking. After several more minutes, the tiefling’s back slumped forward and his head hung low. 

Caleb frowned. He wasn’t a religious man, hadn’t been since he was a child, since before going off to school. He didn’t want to interrupt Mollymauk’s sincere religious devotions. But there was something clearly not right with his friend, and it made something in Caleb’s own chest ache to see. 

After a time Mollymauk shifted, moving from his knees to a seated position, shoulders still rounded. Caleb bit his lip for a moment and then pushed up from his spot and crept forward tentatively. Molly looked up at him as he came alongside him and raised his eyebrows. He put a hand down to the ground to push himself up, but Caleb waved him off, instead sinking down next to him. Not too close. Still almost a foot between them. 

“Thanks for coming out here, I guess,” said Molly after a beat. 

“Did it...help?” Caleb asked. “Not me, but...” He waved, indicating the clearing and the moonlight. Molly sighed heavily and shrugged.

“Maybe. A little.” His expression still looked frustrated.

“I don’t know anything about...well, any of this,” said Caleb. “But, is there anything I can do?” Molly looked at him for a long time, opened his mouth to speak and then closed it again. 

“I...I don’t feel...I need...” He huffed in frustration, his breath clouding in the chilly night air. Caleb remained silent, watching him, the urge to do something, _anything_ to comfort Molly growing stronger. But he didn’t move and neither of them spoke and the silence grew thicker between them.

“I...” Mollymauk’s voice cracked a bit as he finally spoke. “I feel like...I’m not...I don’t know if I’m really...here.” He rubbed a hand over his face, his jewelry tinkling with the movement. “Here, in this body. Like, I could just...float off.” 

Caleb’s brows drew together and he turned towards Molly. It wasn’t enough, so he reached out and placed a hand on his upper arm. Molly’s eyelids fluttered closed for a few seconds and then he opened them and looked directly at Caleb. 

“Would you...” He shook his head. “I know this is...do you want to have sex?” Caleb’s mouth fell open and he jerked his hand back in surprise. Molly’s eyes moved to look at his hand where it hovered in midair between them and smiled sadly. “Nevermind,” he said.

“I...” Caleb rushed to speak, but then cleared his throat. He took a few more moments to think. “Do you think it would help?”

Molly lifted a shoulder. “It took months before. Before I was at all coherent. It will probably just take time again.” He looked up at the moon. “But I feel like...it might ground me. Assure me I’m really...me.” 

Another long space of time passed, in which the only sound was their breathing and the sounds of the woods around them. 

“There are some things I won’t do,” said Caleb into the silence. 

“I-I understand. Don’t worry about it,” replied Molly without looking at him. 

“ _Nein._ I mean there are some _acts_ I won’t do. But some I would.” He watched for Mollymauk’s reaction, watched the tiefling turn his head slowly to stare at him, eyes searching. There was something needy in his face, Caleb thought, something hungry. He rather liked it. 

“Whatever you want,” breathed Molly, turning his body towards him. “Anything. W-what’s off-limits for you? I should probably know up front. If you really mean this can happen.”

Caleb smiled a small smile at Molly’s eager rush of words. He looked off into the trees as he answered. “I don’t want to be fucked. Or to have my mouth...used.” He bit his lip, pushing aside the memories that threatened from the back of his mind. He looked back at Mollymauk, the elegant curve of his face, his horns, his beauty, reminding himself of how much he _wanted._

Molly nodded. “Alright. That’s fine.” He cocked his head to the side. “Anything you particularly _do_ like?” 

Caleb found himself unconsciously returning the other’s smile. “It’s been a very long time for me,” he said seriously. Molly looked at him for a beat and then shifted, moving closer. He reached out and stroked one taloned finger down his cheek, making Caleb shiver. 

“Are you sure you want this?” he asked. “I don’t want you to do anything you don’t truly want. That wouldn’t help me feel any better.” 

Caleb found his eyes drawn to the curve of Molly’s full lips, his heartbeat growing loud in his ears. He licked his lips. “Oh, _ja_ , Mollymauk, I want you.” 

And then those lips were on his own, and an arm was snaking around his waist, bent knees bumping his. Everything was hot; Molly’s body was hot in contrast to the cool air, and his tongue was pressing between Caleb’s lips and he moaned as his lips parted. Need, hot and demanding and overwhelming, rose up in him, and he was pressing himself to Mollymauk hard, a hand buried in his hair, keeping him in place. 

Most wonderfully, Molly kissed him just as hard, just as needily. His fangs snagged on Caleb’s lip and he was panting in between kisses. His hand was already under Caleb’s shirt, hot fingers tight against his lower back, tugging him forward. Before he knew it, they were falling, Molly under him. He slid his body up Molly’s, grinding his erection against his thigh, feeling Molly’s answering arousal against his stomach. He worked his way down, tasting Molly’s throat and running his tongue across the network of scars, down, down the open V of his shirt. 

He sat up enough to push helplessly at Molly’s clothes, and Molly obediently began shrugging out of his layers. His coat spread out under them like an altar cloth, the moonlight catching on the religious and magical symbols embroidered into it. When Molly got his shirt off, Caleb ran both hands greedily up his torso, from waist to ribs to chest, thumbs rubbing at his nipples. Molly hissed in pleasure, making Caleb’s lips curve up. 

He was just lowering his mouth to one nipple when a sudden voice spoke, seemingly in his ear, making him jerk up. “Caleb! Are you still alive? Youcanreplytothismessage.” 

Caleb shut his eyes and sighed heavily. “Yes, we’re fine,” he thought back. 

“Caleb?” Molly’s voice was concerned. He shook his head, holding up a hand. 

He reached into his pocket for the wire and cast his own spell. “We’re going to be out here a little longer, though. Don’t worry, everything is fine.”

“If you’re not back by the next watch, I’m coming looking for you,” said Nott’s voice. Caleb’s lips twitched in affection. He opened his eyes and looked down at the confused tiefling below him. 

“Nott,” he said in explanation. “Checking on us.”

“Ah,” said Molly, relaxing. “Right. So...”

“So,” he repeated. He looked down at his companion, enjoying the view. He ran his hands down the exposed skin, enjoying the shiver that followed in their wake. “I should have asked you what _you_ like,” he said, voice going low. 

Mollymauk drew in a sharp breath. He wriggled a bit under Caleb, setting off a jolt of pleasure from between his legs. “I already told you: anything. Not picky, me.” 

Caleb leaned down and place a kiss to the side of his neck. Then another a little higher. “I want to give you what you need,” he whispered. Another kiss, just under Molly’s smooth jaw. “What would you like?” he asked, lips brushing the corner of the other’s mouth. 

Molly’s breathing was ragged as he replied. “Caleb, I...” He swallowed. “I’d love to have you inside me,” he said.

The words rang heavy in Caleb’s head, and he surprised himself by letting out a sound close to a growl. He covered Molly’s lips with his and kissed him, hard. He thrust his tongue in forcefully, possessively, as if in foreshadowing of what was to come. Molly’s hands gripped at him and his back arched wonderfully, lovely sounds of pleasure coming from his throat. 

When Caleb at last pulled back, Molly was breathless. “Oh, gods, I want you so badly,” he moaned. 

“Yes?” asked Caleb. 

“Yes, _please,_ ” he replied. Caleb sat back on his heels, then, pushing his hands into his coat pockets, searching through the contents. He smiled as his hand closed around a small glass vial and pulled out the bottle of sweet oil he normally used for casting. He held it up for Molly to see.

“Oh, good,” he said. “That makes things easier, though I would have managed without.” Caleb raised his eyebrows but made no reply. 

“Turn over,” he instructed, and then helped Molly do just that, rolling him until he was face down. His tail curled up and twined around Caleb’s waist as he leaned over him. He unbuttoned the tab above the tail opening and then tugged the colorful trousers down to bare Molly’s ass to the air. 

It was a lovely ass, muscular and round, and he let his hands move over it, squeezing a little before slipping his thumbs into the crevice and parting it. Molly moaned as his thumb brushed across his entrance, circling and massaging. He poured out a little oil and let it run between his cheeks, continuing the circular movements, but pressing a little harder now. 

He teased Molly this way for a while, just barely pressing his finger inside the ring of muscle before withdrawing, slowly, slowly a little bit more each time. He loved the noises Molly was making, the way he was rutting down against his coat, pressing back greedily against his hand, trying to get more penetration. 

“Oh, _schatz_ ,” he breathed. “You’re so beautiful like this.” He could see Mollymauk’s eyes open and look up at him from where his face was pressed sideways into the coat. 

“Caleb,” he moaned. “Please, you’re killing me.” 

“You want more?” he asked. 

“Yes, gods, yes!” Caleb grinned as he pressed one finger all the way into him. The sound Molly made was incredible. Caleb didn’t let up, now he had him moaning and begging, but added a second finger as soon as he could. He curved his fingers, pressing and feeling, using Molly’s responses as a guide, a surge of triumph filling him as he found the spot that made him sob with pleasure.

“Oh, please, Caleb, please.” Molly was thrusting back against his hand, and Caleb felt almost about to burst himself. He used his free hand to loosen his trousers and free his cock. “Yes, gods, I want you in me,” Molly said in response. He slicked himself with the remaining oil and then retracted his hand from Molly’s body, replacing it with his aching sex. He pressed forward carefully, Mollymauk’s muscles giving way bit by bit, inch by excruciating inch. 

It had been a lifetime since he’d felt anything like this, it seemed. Possibly several lifetimes ago, when he’d been someone else, a young man not yet broken. Pressing into Molly was a pleasure that bordered on pain, overwhelming and intense and terrifying. Molly groaned and thrust back, forcing him deeper, sobbing under him. Caleb looked to his face: mouth open and panting, eyes wide. 

“Good?” he asked, strained. Molly nodded enthusiastically, seemingly unable to speak, mouth still wide open. Caleb bottomed out and stopped, panting for breath, sweat gathering on his brow. He ran his hands down Molly’s long back, where his spine curved up to give him better access. “You’re so beautiful,” he said again. 

Molly shivered and wiggled his hips, gasping at the sensations that caused. “Fuck, that’s good,” he said, apparently finally able to speak. 

“ _Ja?_ ”

“ _Ja,_ ” Molly replied followed by a giggle. “Mmm, Caleb, do it. Fuck me, darling.” Caleb in haled and then moved, pulling back slowly before thrusting back in, not too hard, but firmly. Molly cried out a little, a wonderful sound, so he did it again. And again. Longer strokes, now, loving the way Molly’s body pulled at him, the heat of it, the almost-too-much quality of it. 

He found a rhythm, moving smoothly, in and out. Not brutal, not violent, but strong. They moved together, Molly meeting him halfway, encouraging him on every thrust. A lump rose in Caleb’s throat. He didn’t think he’d ever felt anything as good in his life. He didn’t ever want it to end. But he felt the inevitability of his climax coming. He wanted to make Molly come first, though, so he shifted his angle, experimentally. Molly’s next cry was broken, so Caleb repeated the same motion and got another sob. 

“Come for me, Mollymauk. Please.” He fumbled his grip on the beautiful hips and reached below them. He found Molly’s cock, gripped it, and began stroking. He had just enough time to register a slightly unfamiliar texture under his fingers before Molly was bucking under him. He shouted as he came, his body tightening as he shot all over Caleb’s hand. 

Caleb grunted, suddenly right on the edge himself, Molly’s muscles tensed all around him, and it took only a few more sharp thrusts until he was spilling inside him. The noise he made as he came was something feral and bestial, and he found himself biting into the flesh of Molly’s shoulder hard to stifle it. His orgasm seemed to go on and on, so much longer than it ever did when he was pleasuring himself. 

And then he was coming back to himself, collapsed entirely on top of Molly, vision blurred and entire body damp with sweat inside his clothing. He was still buried inside the other’s body, and he couldn’t find enough energy to move. So he pressed a kiss to the lavender skin in front of him.

“Alright?” he asked, unable to see Molly’s face from his current position. 

“Fuck. Yes,” Molly said, then laughed. And it was such a beautiful sound. Pure and joyous, in a way that Caleb hadn’t heard for so long. Not since before. Before Lorenzo. He smiled against his tattooed skin. 

Once he got his breath back and felt the need to move, he slid away from Molly gingerly and rolled onto his back. Molly used his shirt to clean himself up and pulled up his trousers before rolling onto his side to look at Caleb. 

“Are you alright?” he asked. 

Caleb raised his eyebrows. “Of course. _Ja._ Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I don’t know. Just checking.”

“You...feel better, then? More yourself?” Caleb watched Molly’s face as best he could in the low light and saw his lips curve up.

“I do,” said Molly. “I feel like...like you’ve pulled me back into myself. Tethered me.” His face grew pensive and he absently trailed a hand across Caleb’s arm and back again. “I feel like you pulled me back from the dead, too.” 

Caleb frowned. “I...it wasn’t _me._ ” 

“It was partly you.” Caleb felt Molly’s gaze on his face but he kept his eyes averted. “I remember what you said.” Caleb blinked. 

“What do you mean?” he asked, glancing at Molly. 

“During the ritual. What you said.” 

“I...I hardly remember what I said...it was very...stressful.” Caleb’s heart pounded. He wasn’t entirely sure what Mollymauk meant, wasn’t sure he hadn’t said something utterly embarrassing and revealing. He’d felt desperate at the time, would have said nearly anything if it would bring Mollymauk back.

“You said you missed me,” said Molly with a tilt of his head. Caleb met his eyes.

“Well, of course, yes. Of course I missed you.” He reached a hand out and let his fingertips barely trace the curve of one of Molly’s horns. “We all missed you.” 

“Hmm,” said Molly, looking away and letting his head fall back to the ground. 

Caleb shut his eyes for a second before throwing caution to the wind. “I missed you terribly, Mollymauk. Every day, every second. I couldn’t believe how much.” He heard a soft breath expelled from beside him. “I...when you were gone I felt like something was missing, missing from me. Like I was empty inside.”

Molly was still beside him for several moments. “And now?” He asked softly, his voice sounding strange.

“Now, I...I feel happy,” said Caleb, the realization staggering him a bit. 

Molly moved in a rush, suddenly leaning over him, a hand pressed to his cheek and then his mouth on Caleb’s. The kiss was passionate, deep, slow and sweet. When he thought it might end, it kept going, until Caleb felt drunk on it. He thought he’d never had a kiss like that before, though it was incredibly difficult to tell, to reach back far enough in his memory to judge. 

He felt breathless and stunned when Molly finally rose above him: smiling, gorgeous. “Thank you, Caleb,” he said. Caleb nodded.

“I don’t know how long it’s been. We should probably get back before Nott sends a rescue party,” he suggested with a little reluctance. Molly agreed and they gathered themselves enough to make the trek back to camp. 

They didn’t speak on the way, but they walked much closer to one another than they had on the way up, occasionally brushing shoulders or laying a hand on each other to steady themselves. 

When they reached the light of their campfire, Molly ducked back into his tent with one last look and a warm smile over his shoulder. Caleb’s chest was filled with longing in that moment, a desire to follow him inside and not let the night end. But he headed over to Nott, who was watching him sharply. 

“Finally back?” she said, voice dripping with implication. Caleb tried to give her his best innocent look. She snorted. “Right.” She sighed, looking in the direction Molly had gone. “Just be careful, alright, Caleb? Promise?” 

Caleb nodded. “ _Ja_ , my friend, I will. I think...I think it is good. Whatever happens.” 

Nott still looked skeptical, but forbore to comment further and Caleb settled down on the fallen tree they were using as a seat. The warmth of the fire was welcome, but he couldn’t help feeling a greater warmth sat within him now, kindled up on that hill.

**Author's Note:**

> Can you believe this all started because I was thinking about a Caleb with past sexual trauma, who had certain off-limits sex acts? Which is why that bit is in there. I might eventually write more in this universe and get around to dealing with that. 
> 
> The title is from Parabol/Parabola by Tool because I accidentally nearly quoted the song in the fic and...yeah. It's strangely appropriate for Mollymauk. 
> 
> If you liked it, please leave me a comment, it means the world. 
> 
> If you want to watch me wallow in misery as I struggle to deal with a post-Mollymauk world, or if you need more comfort smut, you can find me on [Tumblr.](http://gentlysociallypinned.tumblr.com)


End file.
